| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Sophie Chapman | 9 | -3.00 (-33.33%) | |
| D | Jeff Heaney | 9 | +2.00 (22.22%) | |
| D | Toni Nextdoor | 8 | +3.00 (37.50%) | |
| D | Nancy America | 5 | +2.00 (40.00%) | |
| M | Mensa Gail | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) |  |
| M | Football Related Fred | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) |  |
| M | Mark Corrigan | 8 | -2.00 (-25.00%) | |
| M | Super Hans | 5 | +1.00 (20.00%) | |
| M | Stefan Strauss | 3 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| S | It Dobby | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| S | Fucking Hell Frankel | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| R | Aryan Daryl | 4 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| R | Fine Ass Elena | 4 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| 6.54 | +9.00 (10.59%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -2.00 (-20.00%) | 10 | Toot Bump | K | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 10 | Harry Nielsen | D | |
| -1.00 (-11.11%) | 9 | Richard Keys | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Shane McMahon | D | |
| -1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Urijah Faber | D | |
| -3.00 (-33.33%) | 9 | Ryan Kirkland | M | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Brock Lesnar | M | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | Derek Llambias | M | |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 6 | Mike Ashley | M |
|
+1.00 (11.11%) | 9 | Koko B Ware | S |
| +1.00 (12.50%) | 8 | George Bollocks | S | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 3 | Rodney Marsh | R | |
| -5.00 (-5.26%) | 7.92 |