| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Artyom Bolotnikov | 7 | -1.00 (-14.29%) | |
| D | Danny Simpson | 9 | -1.00 (-11.11%) | |
| D | Hélder Deus | 8 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Fabricio Coloccini | 8 | -2.00 (-25.00%) | |
| M | Jonas Gutierrez | 9 | -2.00 (-22.22%) | |
| M | Mitchell Wilkerson | 9 | -4.00 (-44.44%) | |
| M | Daley McGrath | 8 | -1.00 (-12.50%) | |
| M | Yohan Cabaye | 5 | +1.00 (20.00%) |  |
| S | Halil Akin | 9 | -1.00 (-11.11%) | |
| S | Alan Shearer | 8 | 0.00 (0.00%) |  |
| S | Demba Ba | 4 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| 7.64 | -11.00 (-13.10%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Naked Jeff | K | |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Captain Fishfingers | D |
| -1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Branislav Ivanovic | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | John Terry | D | |
| -1.00 (-10.00%) | 10 | Frank Lampard | M | |
|
-2.00 (-22.22%) | 9 | John Keogh | M |
| -3.00 (-33.33%) | 9 | Jesus Christ | M | |
|
+1.00 (12.50%) | 8 | Cristiano Messi | M |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | Lucas Piazon | M | |
| -1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Healthy Fastfood | S | |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 6 | Matias Cesar | S |
| -1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Group Sex | R | |
| -9.00 (-9.38%) | 8.00 |