| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Naked Jeff | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 8 | +1.00 (12.50%) | |
| D | Group Sex | 7 | +2.40 (34.29%) | |
| D | Branislav Ivanovic | 7 | +2.40 (34.29%) | |
| D | Gavino Del Neri | 7 | +0.50 (7.14%) | |
| M | Frank Lampard | 9 | +0.10 (1.11%) | |
| M | Jesus Christ | 9 | +0.10 (1.11%) | |
| M | John Keogh | 9 | -1.80 (-20.00%) | |
| M | Lucas Piazon | 6 | +2.00 (33.33%) | |
| M | Nympho Maniac | 5 | -1.10 (-22.00%) | |
| S | Jesus Claus | 5 | +0.40 (8.00%) | |
| R | Cristiano Messi | 7 | +1.10 (15.71%) | |
| 7.17 | +8.10 (9.42%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| +2.50 (31.25%) | 8 | Marc Besleagã | K | |
| +0.40 (4.44%) | 9 | Gay Pierced | D | |
| +1.20 (15.00%) | 8 | Bill Clit | D | |
| +0.30 (3.75%) | 8 | John Pope | D | |
| +2.30 (32.86%) | 7 | John Emonem | D | |
 |
+1.20 (20.00%) | 6 | Jimmy Kumunupu | D |
| +0.90 (11.25%) | 8 | Captain Jack | M | |
| +0.70 (10.00%) | 7 | Weeny Big | M | |
| +0.20 (2.86%) | 7 | Cameron MacClean | M | |
 |
+2.90 (48.33%) | 6 | Carrot Top | M |
| +0.20 (2.86%) | 7 | Ciprian Ispir | S | |
| -0.10 (-1.43%) | 7 | Chun Gan | R | |
| +0.10 (1.67%) | 6 | Scar Face | R | |
| +0.50 (10.00%) | 5 | Severino Anos | R | |
| +13.30 (13.43%) | 7.07 |