| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Peter Schmeichel | 9 | +1.70 (18.89%) | |
| D | Sami Hyypia | 9 | +3.40 (37.78%) | |
| D | Jeff Heaney | 9 | +2.50 (27.78%) | |
| D | Zamri Blackjackz | 5 | +1.70 (34.00%) | |
| M | Charlie Adams | 9 | -1.10 (-12.22%) |  |
| M | Mensa Gail | 8 | +4.00 (50.00%) |  |
| M | John Barnes | 8 | +2.50 (31.25%) | |
| M | Football Related Fred | 5 | +2.60 (52.00%) | |
| M | Mark Corrigan | 5 | +2.60 (52.00%) | |
| S | Samuli Eevala | 7 | -1.60 (-22.86%) | |
| S | Fucking Hell Frankel | 5 | +1.30 (26.00%) | |
| R | Miziler Suarez | 5 | +1.20 (24.00%) | |
| R | Nancy America | 4 | +0.10 (2.50%) | |
| 6.77 | +20.90 (23.75%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -0.20 (-2.50%) | 8 | Allan McGregor | K | |
| +1.80 (25.71%) | 7 | Osório Barreiro | D | |
| +1.70 (24.29%) | 7 | Captain Fishfingers | D | |
| +2.80 (46.67%) | 6 | Group Sex | D | |
| +2.40 (48.00%) | 5 | John Terry | D | |
| +0.20 (2.50%) | 8 | Jesus Christ | M | |
| +0.10 (1.25%) | 8 | Frank Lampard | M | |
| -3.60 (-45.00%) | 8 | John Keogh | M | |
| +0.40 (13.33%) | 3 | Jimmy McDonald | M | |
| +0.70 (10.00%) | 7 | Francis MacLeish | S | |
| +0.70 (17.50%) | 4 | Jesus Claus | S | |
| +0.10 (1.67%) | 6 | Healthy Fastfood | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 6 | Cristiano Messi | R | |
| +7.10 (8.55%) | 6.38 |