| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Casper Schmeichel | 7 | +1.50 (21.43%) | |
| D | Gerry Gerry Gerry | 7 | +2.60 (37.14%) | |
| D | Posing Feker | 7 | +2.40 (34.29%) | |
| D | Back Of The Net | 5 | +2.60 (52.00%) |  |
| M | Muzzy Izzet | 8 | +1.90 (23.75%) | |
| M | Darren Sicknote Anderton | 8 | +0.50 (6.25%) | |
| M | Boom Slang | 8 | +0.10 (1.25%) | |
| M | Steve Guppy | 6 | +2.40 (40.00%) |  |
| S | Spitting Cobra | 7 | +1.90 (27.14%) | |
| S | Gaboon Viper | 7 | +1.90 (27.14%) | |
| S | Rattle Yourtonsils | 4 | +1.40 (35.00%) | |
| 6.73 | +19.20 (25.95%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -0.80 (-10.00%) | 8 | Allan McGregor | K | |
| +0.20 (2.50%) | 8 | Osório Barreiro | D | |
| +1.10 (15.71%) | 7 | Bartholomew Brown | D | |
| -0.10 (-1.43%) | 7 | Captain Fishfingers | D | |
| +1.80 (36.00%) | 5 | Group Sex | D | |
| +1.70 (42.50%) | 4 | John Terry | D | |
| -2.40 (-30.00%) | 8 | Frank Lampard | M | |
| -3.10 (-44.29%) | 7 | Jesus Christ | M | |
| -1.10 (-27.50%) | 4 | Lucas Piazon | M | |
| -2.20 (-22.00%) | 10 | Johann Steinsson | S | |
| +0.20 (4.00%) | 5 | Healthy Fastfood | S | |
| -4.70 (-6.44%) | 6.64 |